My Thanks to 2013

When I think about all that I have to be thankful for I smile.  I smile for what I have, both the past and the present.  I smile for the memories that make me who I am today and the thoughts of the present that allow me to live in the moment.  I often find myself when I am in a cab going from location to location, staring out at the window, listening to music and looking at the city horizon as it casts light onto the buildings, thinking.  Its during this time that I find myself reflecting back at how I ended up here and how thankful I am that I live the life I live.  I am surrounded by a wonderful and supportive family.  I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child and that each and every person that comes into your life, touches you in one way shape or form.  I know this through experience.

I am thankful for so many things and I am blessed in so many ways.  As I look back at the year as it relates to my father, I am reminded of one of his favorite Beatles songs Let It Be.  As each year goes by, I realize that this is and always will be the theme song to this disease.  We are still fighting strong and its been a steady year.  I sometimes wonder, if it's not him being steady but me getting more and more use to the idea that this is happening.  It's been a roller-coaster of emotions for me to grasp that I may have a father at some point in time that will no longer be able to remember the memories I am so fond of.  Who can't recall the first steps I took, my first dance at school, my graduation ceremony from college or who I am as I walk into the room.  This is truly a feeling I am still learning to grasp and understand but also trying to enjoy what I have in the present.

Today, I have a father who calls me during work so I can fix the little things on his computer (even though its like landing a plane blindly).  When I am at home listening to music and working, I call him when I hear a familiar voice like Hendrix, John Lennon, or Bob Dylan.  My birthday card this year not only arrived on time, but he's gotten soft and sentimental in his old age.  This past week, when national news indicated bad weather for the Chicago area, dad called me to say "stay away from the windows".  Tonight, when I heard The Animals come on, I called to say hello, talk about Woodstock and we laughed about my trip to New Orleans and the memories he had there back in the 60's.  These told separately seem obsolete to most, but together means the world to me and his memories.  These are the moments I am thankful for.  This is the father I know and remember.  This is the father that is still present, in the moment, living well and steady.  Instead, this has been the year where I have had to come to terms that I need to continue to "let it be" because that's all I can do and that's been the hardest of all.

Many thanks to family and friends as we head to the holiday year and for always being there for me, you don't know how much I am blessed and the impact you all have in my life.