I remember as a child, building castles and fortresses with blankets on the couch, connecting them to chairs and tables. How simple that seemed but how fun the imagination was to create something so extraordinary and complex. I remember the crazy thoughts in my head that would create so many creative things to keep myself busy when my parents were occupied. As I aged, card games became an obsession, it flexed the mind. There were nights when I could not fall asleep because I would not let anyone beat me, though it took months and months to figure a strategy the mind kept building as I figured out my way to defeat the opponent.
The mind is such an infinite being! It defines not only who you are but how you started, who you are now and what you have to build off of for the future. Without it you become numb, lost, fragile, delicate, unknown, obsolete, vanished and limited.
Without the mind you lose sight of everything around you. When you don't exercise it, you lose yourself. You become someone that people do not recognize. You are a wanderer in the middle of traffic. You are the grey cloud that covers the sun. You are a feather that drifts without its purpose. You are a whisper that goes unknown. You become my father, a victim of Alzheimer's.
There are days I do not recognize him. There are moments when I question what our next options are. There are sleepless nights I don't know how I can help.
This is the beginning and we are learning together in this process we call life and age, parent and child reversed. Together we are going to figure out how to best make this easier on him and for the family. From this moment on, there will be moments he will not like Shane or me. He will not agree with what we decide but know this is for the best. We love you Dad and will never compromise your wishes or your health. We are here for you and only for your safety. Please know, you are our dad no matter where your mind goes, that's who you will always be to us.
