Celebrating the Present

There is something poetic about a wedding.  Lovers meet, lovers fall in love, lovers become a united couple and then they commit to each other till death do they part. It's whimsical, hopeful, romantic, but scary, unnerving and unknown.  As you sit in the audience, you hope the best for them, wonder will they continue to grow together, will they communicate their darkest thoughts and when rough patches hit can they weather the storm and find a balance between hardships and finding what brought them together from the start. With years of experience you know the decks are stacked against them but as you listen to their vows you hope that this is the couple that can break the conformity we know as divorce.

As I sit in the audience, I wonder not only about this and see my brother's happiness but does my dad see what I see or is he focused on remembering who he just met, where he needs to be or what city we are in.  I glance over at him, holding his hand and he is smiling.  It gives me comfort that in this moment, he can tune out all that he can't recall but live in the moment of watching my brother get married.  He may not be fully following but it's my world that I am creating and in my thoughts, he is living this moment like me and the rest of us sitting.

As I sit and listen and watch my brother smile at his soon to be wife and even when I arrived home and recall that day, I forget all the troubles that went with it.  I forget that my father missed his flight to Philadelphia because he was not prepared to leave on time.  I forget that he only packed clothes for the dinner the night before and a suit for the wedding even though both my brother and I ran through the list of things to pack.  I forget that he didn't remember the toast he gave or the people he met within a few minutes. I forget that I couldn't locate him from the moment he landed back home in Tucson till 12 hours later when he finally stepped foot at home and called.  I forget getting called by Tucson airport at 2 am that my father never picked up his luggage.  I forget calling my brother on his honeymoon frantically splitting up a list of hotels to see if he checked into one to explain his disappearance and coming up  empty handed.  I forget that when he called safely at home, he can't remember where he was during that time frame.  I forget the pain and worrisome he caused in moments of panic from the start, the middle and the end of this trip.

Through it all, I remember a father that watched his son get married and who had a daughter by his side as he smiled, proud and in that moment, content.  I could see it on his face and he felt present.  Thats what made this trip all worth it.  These are the moments I focus on and cherish.  I have to.  It's what gives me peace of mind and allows me to remember him for who he was not who he is turning into.  They say life is about living in the present not the past.  I never understood that until I was forced to.  It's what has helped me to breath, be patient and accept our new reality.